Monday, March 2, 2015

Unreleased Final Project: "This Sharp Chain"

In retrospect, I wish I would have submitted this for my final writing project in my Kankakee Community College writing course. However, I feared it was way too personal, but not for this obscure blog:


“There is now in my mouth, this sharp chain,
And it never comes out.” 
- Richard Burton, as Dr. Martin Dysart in the 1977 film Equus 

The Normal is the sharp smell of disinfectant in a doctor’s office. It is the red A on a report card, not the B or C; such grades are beneath the daughter of two teachers. It is singing “The B-I-B-L-E, yes, that’s the book for me!” with all your heart, never daring to believe that Crime and Punishment is better. It is the slim body, the intimate circle of friends, the furtive love of “boy talk”, and the date to Prom. It is the good-natured acceptance of boredom in school and life, because that is its essence. More than anything, however, the Normal is an able body. Can you walk, talk, jump and stretch? Moreover, can you run a relay race in satisfactory time, and do the Flex Arm Hang? If so, then give thanks. You’re Normal. The “indispensable, murderous God of Health,” as Dr. Martin Dysart puts it, has highly favored you.  

I have been cursed. Cerebral palsy is my diagnosis, written in artificial blood by the white-coated priests of our Deity. Add to that a latent co-morbidity of major depression, present since childhood but only showing itself in my college years. I have other diagnoses as well, informal but no less official: poor, oversensitive, socially awkward, unemployed. They mark me as an anomaly - no longer a Freak of Nature, because that’s not politically correct. Instead, I am the one who’s “struggling, but hanging in there.” I’m the maiden aunt who “waits for the right person, who’ll come along someday.” In church, I am not exactly “lost”, but I’m “not a real Christian.” I believe in a savior called Jesus, but not the workhorse’s life attached to Him. I vote, but my concerns go unheeded after my ballot slides into the box. I’m a minority, but too much of one.

What about you? You, too, may have struggled to be Normal. You may have felt the stomach-churning fear of bullies that no roller coaster ride can equal. You might have sat rigid in class, praying that the teacher wouldn’t call on you to read or answer math problems at the board. When basketballs and volleyballs came hurtling at your face, you ducked, being more willing to lose than to win.

Eventually, however, the Normal turned its countenance upon you. Your coordination grew, in body and in spirit, and no longer were you alone. You were welcomed into the fold of Husband, Wife, and Children, House and Home. Your work qualified you, and God unified you. I, however, remain set apart. If the Lord chooses whom He will, so does the Normal. I do not begrudge you at all. I only wish I was Chosen as well.

For now, like Equus in chains, I struggle against the bit that has been prepared - and forged - for all of us.

Friday, February 27, 2015

My Final Project for the Beginning Writers' Workshop at KCC


“What is this place?” I asked my extraterrestrial Visitor.

The two of us gazed down on the expanse below. Through a combination of electrochemical and pheromone signals emanating from the Visitor, I was able to understand when it spoke to my mind: Look. The planet above which we hovered was swarming with shuffling creatures.

We call this the Null World, the Visitor said.

The beings upon it looked so familiar, although I didn’t know why. They were of various shapes and sizes - tall, short, spindly, round - yet based upon the same blank template. They ambled past each other heedlessly, either not knowing or caring that others were nearby. I noticed two things right away: they were hooked to at least one portable object, and parts of their faces were oddly misshapen.

Their noses are the first to atrophy, said the Visitor, followed by their ears. Their tongues, which were once so useful for the formation of words, now only help them to swallow. Their devices keep them alive.

“Devices?” I asked, feeling queasy. I didn’t want to know what they were, but some part of me already did.

“Maybe try and communicate with one of them,” I said. “Telepathically, like you’re doing with me.”

The Visitor widened its two black, gleaming eyes, until they morphed into one that spanned the bridge of its tubelike nose. I saw it focus upon one of the figures below, and the image grew ever clearer. The creature himself - a bald-headed male - was intensely focused upon the flat screen that he carried. Two seconds passed, then five, then ten. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck tingle as my galactic guide attempted to reach the creature’s mind. Apparently, this telepathy did not only affect its potential recipient.

Nevertheless, the male did not react. He simply moved on, leaning in closer to his beloved tech-wear.

The Visitor drooped its head: I said “Hello”. After hesitating, it let its one eye separate into two again.

We looked at the creatures again. Despite all of their aimless shuffling, their fingers fluttered with manic purpose. They mashed and swiped their thumbs against screens that only they could see, and bobbed their heads to musical vibrations they could only sense - not hear. I shut my eyes tightly against the scene.

“What’s wrong with them?” I asked. “Why don’t they notice each other, or even themselves? Huh?”

They fear death, and seek to escape it by uploading as much information as they can through their technology. Unfortunately, what they’re actually doing is downloading themselves onto these devices. They want to live forever, and in pursuing such a goal, they die. 

This paradox was too much to bear. I kept my eyes shut, shaking my head over and over. It couldn’t be.

It is, my companion replied, and that’s why I’ve come for you.  

The Visitor soothed my mind, and the Null World - Earth - disappeared.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Writing Challenge: "Laughs at the Library"

This is the second writing challenge posed to me by Chris and Jerri Schlenker from my "Beginning Writer's Workshop" course:


There are several reasons why our local library is one of my favorite places. For starters, the dusty scent of old tomes combined with that of fresh paperbacks sends me reeling back to my childhood. So do the helpful librarians, several of whom I’ve known since then. Of late, however, my newest reason to love the library is Junior High Game Day. I know what some of you are thinking: “Junior high kids are actually fun?” 

Yes, indeed. One day per month, our librarians invite local children from sixth to eighth grade over to play board games. There are several, including chess, Apples to Apples (a perennial favorite), Monopoly (with electronic banking so you don’t have to perform the arduous task of making change), Twister (which I never play for fear of breaking one or more of my appendages), and Trivial Pursuit (very rarely utilized). 

This last is because the questions are way too hard for post-Millennials: “Who was the first U.S. President to ride in a car?” One kid’s answer: “George Bush!” I pointed out that automobiles were invented in the late 1800’s, not the early 2000’s, so he bravely gave it another try: “Abraham Lincoln!” The actual answer is William McKinley. I confess that the only other thing I know about him is that he was assassinated by a Polish man named Leon Czolgosz. If I have my Slavic pronunciation right, that’s “tsol-GOSH.” The only reason I recall that is because of his last name. I’ve tried to master Russian and failed, so there you go. 

Anyway, that’s why we don’t play Trivial Pursuit. Another big hit at Junior High Game Day, at least when I remember to bring it, is Crappy Birthday. I have no idea if that’s because the gifts depicted on the game cards are so funny, or because the kids are legally allowed to say “crappy” at the library. Perhaps both. Each kid takes turns being the “birthday boy” or “birthday girl”, who is a judge of sorts. All the other kids have five “gift cards” in their hand, depicting horrible presents such as forty gallons of nacho cheese, a decorative urinal, a peeing statue, and so on. The player with the “birthday” has to pick the present they would hate to receive the most. The kid who had that card in his or her hand gets a point. Five points wins. 

“What’s a ‘bid-it’?” asked one boy (not the same one who guessed “George Bush” for the Trivial Pursuit question). He held up a card showing what looked like a large toilet. Blushing a little, I explained that the word was pronounced bidet, and it was “a special toilet that washes you after you go to the bathroom.” Immediately, another boy cried, “I want it! I want it!” Everybody else cracked up, including me. “Who wouldn’t want that? That’s a great present!” he added. More guffaws. Yes, this is a true story as well. 

Such laughs at the library!

Writing Challenge: "A Great Day"

This challenge was posed to me by Ann Goza, from my "Beginning Writers' Workshop" student group on Facebook. I am to write 500 words or less on the subject, "You know it's going to be a great day when..."


You know it’s going to be a great day when you get to sleep in. Not only is it your day off from work, but if you have kids, they’re on a field trip for school - and you DON’T have to chaperone. So, at 6:00 AM, you snuggle back under the covers and enjoy at least three more hours of rest. Your pet joins you as a comfy bio-pillow.

When you finally do get up, you discover that your significant other has finally broken out the cappuccino machine that you gave him/her last Christmas. Over a steaming cup with extra foam, you engage in friendly discourse whilst still in your pajamas. With a sultry wink, you’re asked the question: “Should I take a shower before…or after?” You respond in kind, according to your preference, surprised that such a high pronunciation of the word “Yee!” can emerge from your throat post-children. You, my friend, are on a roll.

Thus satisfied on both the gastrointestinal and libidinal fronts, you “start” your day after discovering that it’s actually 11:00 AM. Out of a simultaneous sense of habit and duty, you glance toward your treadmill in the bedroom. No, you think, casting a baleful glare at the contraption. I don’t have to do that today. Instead of putting in your required thirty minutes of hard labor outside of the office, you open a book. You haven’t had any time to read it lately. Your favorite mystery/romance/horror extravaganza has been almost permanently replaced by The Poky Little Puppy and, disconcertingly, Walter the Farting Dog. 

Thankfully, the kids aren't here, but do you know who is? Your favorite talk show host during lunch. Your significant other is out doing something or other. Therefore, you revel with perverse glee in the eternally-shocking paternity revelations of Maury Povich, If you’re a more health-conscious sort, you watch that one  episode of Dr. Oz that you’ve had on DVR for two months. Duly admonished, you wash the dishes and promise that you’ll get back to the treadmill and vegetables tomorrow. Today you had to have grilled cheese.

When your significant other returns, s/he poses you a challenge: Another round of you-know-what, or a round of competitive golf on Xbox Kinect? You pick the golf first, with the other activity as a little forfeit. The loser has to submit to the winner’s best impression of Christian Grey from 50 Shades. You’re game. Against all odds, you also emerge victorious! Then again, you dimly suspect that your SO was “showing off” some brilliant “parking lot shots”. However, who cares? To you go the spoils of both love and war.

You eat an early dinner at your favorite Italian place with actual wine, because the kids aren’t around. You even share a portion of tiramisu for a “pick-me-up” that you know you’ll need tomorrow. Oh, well. To finish off your great day, when you tuck your little ones into bed, they decide to give you five hugs apiece.

Short Story: "Called to Account"

This is a writing challenge posed to me by Chris and Jerri Schlenker from my "Beginning Writer's Workshop" course:

A 500-Word Short Story by Rainey Wetnight, a.k.a MsFicwriter

“Mister Edmonds? Would you step into my study for a moment?” 

“Certainly, your lordship.” This isn‘t good. If Lord Marsdale wants something, he summons me to the parlor or dining room. I’m being called to the carpet, but what ghastly infraction have I committed? 

Once he’s seated behind his mahogany desk, he places his fingertips together in a pyramid shape. “It seems that two thousand pounds has gone missing from my bank account.”

“Sir?” Calm down. Keep your tone neutral. 

“I find it rather odd, Edmonds, that just one week ago you were requesting some time off.” 

“I - That is true, but I don’t take extravagant holidays. A fortnight in the country is enough for me.”  

He ignores this. “The only three people on these premises with access to my finances are my wife, my valet Coe, and you - for household expenses. Have you been making withdrawals without my knowledge?”

My spine stiffens. “I would never do so, sir, especially for such a large sum. Have you questioned Coe?” 

Lord Marsdale raises an eyebrow. “I shall, but I thought I’d start with you. What are you not telling me?” 

Square your shoulders. Head high. Stand up straighter. “I have been perfectly aboveboard with you.” 

“Yes, you have, and I applaud you for that. Such is why I’m surprised at your reticence now.” 

“Reticence? My lord, I have done absolutely nothing. Theft is far below me, and these accusations, with all due respect, are far below you.” Good. Keep questioning his honor, and putting him on the defensive.  

“Sit down.” 

He’s kept me standing this whole time. Foolish move. I could have bolted, but didn’t. Why? With cautious grace, I take the one seat across the desk from him. I want him to speak next, and to keep on speaking.  

“Have you been having any financial difficulties lately, Edmonds?” 

“Related to my duties, sir? Of course not. I make a point of budgeting wisely, for this estate and myself.” 

My employer leans forward half an inch. “What about the evening gala for Lord Steyne and his wife?” 

I cringe. “It was their anniversary, and so I purchased food and wines according to their particular taste.” 

“Aye. In this case, ‘their particular taste’ happened to dig us five hundred pounds into the hole…” 

The edge in his voice is growing sharper. I’ve got to nip this in the bud. “What can I say?” I shrug. 

“The Steynes were quite pleased, but I was not. I gave you a reprimand, which you seem to have ignored.” 

“No, sir! I’ve striven to be frugal in our dinners, especially in the servants’ kitchen - less meat, more meal.” 

“Bravo.” He lets his hands slip down onto the desk, and then curls them into fists. “Now I want the truth.” 

I give him a slow, oily smile. “Why don’t you ask your wife? Your beloved Mabel, who is now my beloved?” 

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Movie Review: "Borgman"

Beguiling Borgman
By Rainey Wetnight

“I saw a magician.” -Isolde, the daughter of one of the two main characters in this fascinating fable

Camiel Borgman (Jan Bijvoet) first appears in the lives of an upper-middle-class family as a homeless man. All he wants is a bath, he says, because he is “quite dirty”. One might wonder why he doesn’t ask housewife and artist Marina (Hadewych Minis) for something to eat first, but it turns out he has his reasons for wanting to be clean right off the bat. Her high-profile TV mogul husband, Richard (Jeroen Perceval) is immediately suspicious - so suspicious that he attacks Borgman and almost kicks him to death. To make up for this violent outburst, Marina offers the gray-bearded tramp not only a bath, but a meal and a night in her summer house. “I’m sorry,” she says, but Borgman replies sympathy won’t cut it. “I’m in pain,” he informs her. “Nurse me.” She does, over the course of a few days, but Marina is the one who needs help.

Why? Clue number one: One opening scene of Borgman involves a priest. Two: There are also two men with the holy Father, one with a makeshift spear and the other with a shotgun. Three: See the italicized quote above. However, our villain is not just any magician, or even any evil magician. He can make a little girl’s fever vanish (as well as himself), but for what purpose does he need a surgical team? Like a regular stage prestidigitator, he has several assistants, namely Ludwig, Pascal, Brenda and Ilonka. “You’re early,” he tells two of them that Marina can’t see. “Off with you”. However, they’re currently in greyhound form.

With all this supernatural weirdness going on, what’s just as intriguing are the tense familial dynamics. Marina feels underappreciated, mostly by her husband. A gardener (disposable yet biodegradable) looks after the grounds, while a beautiful nanny named Stine looks after the children. Surprisingly, there’s none of that kind of hanky-panky going on, but someone sure is looking to wreck this supposedly happy home.

The best scene in the movie is a late one, a family dinner to which Borgman and his friends are invited. However, despite their malevolent nature, their being present isn’t really necessary in order to make these solid suburban citizens tear at each other’s throats. Richard has just been fired, and the son of his former boss also happens to be at the table: Stine’s new boyfriend. As before, Richard springs into action. He aims to pummel this threat as he had the bearded, tattered old one, but Marina immediately stops him. Later she asks her gardener for a favor: “He has to die, Camiel.” Is her request utterly unreasonable?

What director Alex van Warmerdam excels at is subtlety: the sound of flies buzzing whenever a certain character is around, shots of glasses of dark red wine, the harried scraping of a knife on buttered toast, and metaphors of kisses and a white child near a lake. Even though his touch is deft, sometimes it’s almost too light. You might start wishing that the protagonists would just go off the proverbial deep end already and quit standing on the diving board. However, once they do, it’s absolutely riveting to watch.

In most movies about a capital-A adversary, the main character knows pretty quickly with whom s/he’s dealing. Negotiations ensue, the rate of exchange for temporal happiness is revealed, and a deal is made (blood-signed contract optional). In this one, though, the Tramp can take his time. In one hour and fifty-two minutes, he slowly worms his way into the hearts and minds of his human prey, discovering and warping their desires. “There will be consequences,” Borgman warns Marina when she wants to hire him as the family’s new landscaper. However, she barely bats an eyelash. Does she not suspect…or not care?

Calamity befalls us in several ways. We can lose our jobs, our homes, even our families, due to events that we neither plan nor control. However, with actual evil - as with a fictional vampire - you have to let it in.


Friday, September 5, 2014

Movie Review: "Night Moves"

Night Moves, Then Darkness Dawns
By Rainey Wetnight

“I’m not focused on big plans; I’m focused on small plans.” -Jackie Christianson, eco-filmmaker

Here’s a thought experiment: If you knew that according to science, marine biodiversity would be gone by the year 2048, what would you do? If you also knew that protests, online petitions, “Likes” on Facebook, and even environmental filmmaking wouldn’t catch most people’s lasting attention, how far would you go to get it? That’s the question three young people have to answer in Kelly Reichart’s Night Moves. Josh (Jesse Eisenberg) and Dena (Dakota Fanning) are organic farmers living at a cooperative which they and their fellow environmentalists call Nature’s Harvest. Harmon (Peter Sarsgaard) is Josh’s brother, a former Marine trained in demolitions. These three seek to make their cause known with a bang, not a whimper.

The Green Peter Dam, on a certain unnamed river, prevents salmon from swimming upstream to spawn. They perish with their purpose as fish unachieved, and with no fish, the river’s ecosystem will collapse. Thus, so must the dam. All it takes is five hundred pounds of ammonium nitrate fertilizer, wires, a detonator, a timer, and an unassuming rich senior’s named speedboat - from where the film’s title comes. Early on, the eco-terrorist trio shows more remorse about destroying the boat than the dam. “Well, we don’t really give a [expletive] about longevity,” one of them comments with a rueful look in his eyes. They plan their attack so carefully, pondering each step with as much concentration as a chess grandmaster considers his moves. Nevertheless, even the smallest missteps can cause monumental repercussions.

The most tension-fraught scene in the whole film is not the one at the fertilizer store, but the one on the edge of the obsidian-colored reservoir where the gang plants their boat. They notice that on the opposite side, someone gets a flat tire and has to change it. Meanwhile, there’s only fifteen minutes left until ‘big dam go boom’. “That’s not a good spot,” Dena murmurs in a near-whisper. “No,” says Harmon. He returns to the loaded vessel, looks at the bomb timer, and waits. In the end, however, he must decide: Whose life is more important, especially in the long run? Is it worth turning back when so little will be changed?

Afterward, all of them believe that they’re - in fact, they are counting on - going back to normal, as if nothing happened. (Why is it that criminals in movies almost always think this, and then their conscience betrays them? Since the days of Dostoevsky, this has been true more often than not). What two of them realize too late is that nothing will ever seem normal again - eating dinner with one’s friends and family, working, listening to gossip, or even sorting vegetables for CSA (Community-Supported Agriculture). They’ve all worked so hard to support life through what they do, and in the end, they’re prepared to take it.

Half of this film’s excellence lies in its powerful nature shots: the dam being turned on in the morning and spilling an effervescent geyser into the reservoir, the reservoir itself under cover of darkness, the woods, and most powerfully, a forest of dead trees standing up in the middle of the river being dammed. This is the price we pay for our digital gadgets, our mass-produced food, and industrialization in general. Nothing comes without a cost, without sacrifice. Unfortunately, the trio here is prepared to sacrifice not only their own lives, but the lives of bystanders and strangers, to teach the world (or at least the locals) this lesson.

The question that haunts me at movie’s end is this: How much of an impact did they really have? As one of Josh and Dena’s coworkers mentions: “One dam? You’d have to blow up twelve dams to make a difference. I don’t call [what the perpetrators did] a point. I call that theater.” Real-life terrorists know that scale is crucial: the more people who die, the more attention they’ll get from the media and governments. What Dena, Josh and Harmon do is terrorism, yes, but it causes no widespread panic. Even though their crime makes the national news, there’s (oddly?) no nationwide manhunt. What they thought was a “big plan” ultimately turned out to be small potatoes, at least in terms of people’s response to their message.

My only other critique is that the ending of this film is so dull and anticlimactic that it will resound with a thud in viewers’ minds. None of their questions, or mine, will truly have been answered.